It has been so long since I last updated this blog that I hardly remember where I was the last time I posted. It seems so long ago. In March we were still planning our wedding and were immersed in the minutiae of rental furniture, dress making, and travel plans. I am happy to report that it all went amazingly well. We were married in a beautiful Orthodox ceremony on a perfect spring day supported by the amazing love of our friends and family.
For the past four months we have been dealing with transitions: me to a new house, Chris into less of his house, and both of us into successive periods of unemployment. Chris has been at his new job for a month and I am newly unemployed, which is probably how I'm finding the time to finally update this blog again. We are going to be ok financially, and being unemployed as a married person is certainly a different experience than the same unemployment as a single person. We'll make it.
We continue to attend both the Catholic mass and the Orthodox liturgy every Sunday morning, which is just as difficult as it always has been. I don't think we're much closer to figuring out how we will raise our eventual children as we were before the wedding, but we still have some time to figure it out. The good thing is that our bond of love grows and puts things into new perspectives, so I'm confident that the right decisions will be made at the right times. The day to day living of it all is still something we're working on figuring out.
Now that we are living this life we hoped for, I find myself much less able to think about the larger topics of church union or even individual conversion. It is enough to try to love my husband every day and to establish the kind of relationship that will carry us into our future together. This weekend we were at an Orthodox group's conference and were in the position of telling our story to new people for the first time since our wedding. Everyone we talked to was very supportive, and most mentioned the union of the churches as something they hoped for. One woman in particular, a priest's wife, said that she believes that this union will come not from popes, bishops, or patriarchs, but rather from people like us who are joining the churches together whether they like it or not. I'm still not confident that I can lead a movement, but if it is the kind of movement that get built on the small, daily gestures of love and life, maybe I can after all.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Two Lents
Tonight marked the beginning of Great Lent in the Orthodox Church, which means that tomorrow will be the first day this year that Chris and I have been observing Lent together. Meals have changed, of course, but it hasn't felt like Lent to me and I've felt disconnected from the fact that his Easter is right around the corner. Next Sunday I will attend a Palm Sunday service at 9am and then drive to my church at 10am, where it will be the first Sunday of Lent. That will be weird. Weirder still will be the ham feast when I'm just starting to get into the swing of things, and then Chris will feel disconnected from my Lent for the next 6 weeks.
I don't have any solutions for this Eastertime problem. I just hope we're able to love and support each other through the odd and probably difficult times this calendar difference will bring.
I don't have any solutions for this Eastertime problem. I just hope we're able to love and support each other through the odd and probably difficult times this calendar difference will bring.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Planning a Wedding
Wedding planning is coming along nicely. We're both fortunate that our liturgical traditions free us from having to worry about the ceremony itself, leaving us more energy to plan the party aspects of the weekend. The wedding will be on a Sunday afternoon in May and so far all sorts of people have volunteered to help. I guess this is one result of having fairly public relationship struggles -- now that we have overcome them everyone wants to help us celebrate. It's also a huge relief for our budget. We're paying for this whole thing ourselves, so every bit of help frees up funds to apply elsewhere. It's going to be great.
We met with someone at the Catholic church last week about requirements for getting married. They want us to attend an all day workshop where we will take the FOCCUS survey. At first I was highly skeptical (now just mildly so), and not just because they charge $100+ for it. But after reading more about the tool itself and talking to people about it, it seems like the kind of thing that would probably be a good idea to do before getting married. People say that it brought up discussion topics that they never would have thought to talk about before. I only wish I knew at the time of the meeting that my priest is authorized to give the survey, because getting permission to do it with him would save us some cash. I'll have to ask them about that.
We met with someone at the Catholic church last week about requirements for getting married. They want us to attend an all day workshop where we will take the FOCCUS survey. At first I was highly skeptical (now just mildly so), and not just because they charge $100+ for it. But after reading more about the tool itself and talking to people about it, it seems like the kind of thing that would probably be a good idea to do before getting married. People say that it brought up discussion topics that they never would have thought to talk about before. I only wish I knew at the time of the meeting that my priest is authorized to give the survey, because getting permission to do it with him would save us some cash. I'll have to ask them about that.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
We did it!
Chris proposed on Monday and I accepted, bringing to an end a long period of debate and serious thoughtful struggle about how to marry our two faith traditions. Now we know we can do it. We have been attending both churches every Sunday morning for almost a year now, and we're both comfortable with what things we can live with and which are more of a long-term but endurable problem. The question of which tradition to raise children in is still out there, but with commitment to each other comes a willingness to compromise and creatively solve problems.
The Catholic priest has recommended that we get married in the Orthodox Church, which is a relief for me. Chris will miss the chance to have a traditional Catholic wedding and finds the Orthodox service kind of weird, but it solves the problem of me being excommunicated if I marry outside of my church and prevents us from having to have two weddings. We both agree that the being married part is what is most important, so we will get through this wedding planning thing as sanely as we can and get on to the real work of building a life together.
Yay!
The Catholic priest has recommended that we get married in the Orthodox Church, which is a relief for me. Chris will miss the chance to have a traditional Catholic wedding and finds the Orthodox service kind of weird, but it solves the problem of me being excommunicated if I marry outside of my church and prevents us from having to have two weddings. We both agree that the being married part is what is most important, so we will get through this wedding planning thing as sanely as we can and get on to the real work of building a life together.
Yay!
Monday, November 05, 2007
On Families and Church
It has been a while since I last updated, but that doesn't mean that nothing has been happening. It turns out that the gradual process of imagining forming a family with someone isn't very conducive to blogging. Chris and I are still working through our issues, most notably the question of just how much the church one attends on Sunday informs the ongoing spiritual life of a child. I tend to think that it is our daily home practice and our individual piety that will be the most informative to our children, but Chris puts a lot of emphasis on the actual conscious teaching that he expects we'll be doing. I understand his concern that he won't know how to teach a child to be Orthodox, but I'm not sure I really know how to teach a child to be Orthodox, either. I was never an Orthodox child. However, my church is full of Orthodox children being raised by converts, and I have to believe that being in that environment will do a lot of the teaching for me or at least help me when I have questions.
I hope that we're close to making a decision, because I feel more and more that our dating relationship has reached the end of its usefulness. We're starting to make more plans for the future together, and doing that without even being engaged is odd. Also, our separate routines would really benefit by being joined under one roof, which we won't do until we're married (regardless of how many people urge us to move in together to save money). The dual church service thing on Sunday mornings works much better now that we've agreed not to talk during the 15 minute drive from mass to liturgy. This lessens our stress on Sundays dramatically. We both have a number of church-related activities we do without the other during the week and that feels good and healthy. No one is (I hope) feeling too deprived of spiritual experience.
That said, I just read another blog post by someone who wants to convert to the Orthodox Church without his/her spouse and kids. I know that the urge to jump right in can be great, but I wish I could tell every single one of these people to just slow down.
I hope that we're close to making a decision, because I feel more and more that our dating relationship has reached the end of its usefulness. We're starting to make more plans for the future together, and doing that without even being engaged is odd. Also, our separate routines would really benefit by being joined under one roof, which we won't do until we're married (regardless of how many people urge us to move in together to save money). The dual church service thing on Sunday mornings works much better now that we've agreed not to talk during the 15 minute drive from mass to liturgy. This lessens our stress on Sundays dramatically. We both have a number of church-related activities we do without the other during the week and that feels good and healthy. No one is (I hope) feeling too deprived of spiritual experience.
That said, I just read another blog post by someone who wants to convert to the Orthodox Church without his/her spouse and kids. I know that the urge to jump right in can be great, but I wish I could tell every single one of these people to just slow down.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Two podcasts and a blog
When I'm ruminating on a problem it seems like the whole world has something to contribute. For example, my daily routine includes listening to several podcasts and reading several blogs. Today there were two podcasts and a blog post that seemed to contain lessons, though I'm not sure they made things very clear.
Podcast #1: The Tragedy of Dogma by Dr. Clark Carlton
In this short lecture, Dr. Carlton explains that dogma, or rational thinking about God, is an obstacle to prayer. Because of where I am on my own spiritual journey I find that I tend to defend the dogmas of Orthodoxy, particularly when confronted with the dogmas of other traditions like Roman Catholicism. It is easy to line up teachings side by side, compare and contrast them, and throw out the ones I don't like. What's harder is putting those dogmas aside and getting to the heart of the matter -- the person of Christ. How do you discuss Christ? I think you don't.
Podcast #2: The Mystery of God by Fr. John Oliver
This podcast approached a similar topic through a story about Vacation Bible School. Fr. John's observations of the difference between the children's experience of Church and his own is that the children are less bound by rigidity and give God room to be God. They're less dogmatic and more experiential. Same lesson: less dogma, more Christ; fewer human definitions, more still small voice. On the one hand I know that I tend to rest in dogmas when everything else seems uncertain, and on the other hand I blame the Roman Catholic church for putting too many definitions on God and not giving Him freedom to be Himself. Is that contradictory, or is my retreat into dogma a natural reaction to being confronted with it? Strangely, Chris seems to be mostly free of his church's dogmatic leanings, so I don't know where my reactions come from.
Blog post: Christ Crucified by Fr. Stephen Freeman
Here is where everything comes together: "To believe that Christ was crucified and risen from the dead and not to empty ourselves and take on the form of a servant is not to be a Christian at all." Again we see the dichotomy between believing and doing, so that point is firmly hammered home. But the question I have about my own life is here, in St Paul's letter to the Philippians: "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
It seems that all of these arguments could make a case for me agreeing to raise my children in the Roman Catholic church. The decision would involve sacrifice, a step away from dogma, and action in the interests of another. It would also clear a huge barricade between us and marriage. But I still have so many reservations about the Roman Catholic church that I'm not clear on how that decision would bring me (or my children) to Christ. I'm sure if I were mature in my faith I would be more able to step away from the Church and continue to find God where I am, but I don't think I can do it. I feel like I am single-handedly miring us in this holding pattern, and I'm not always sure I'm making the right decision by holding fast.
Podcast #1: The Tragedy of Dogma by Dr. Clark Carlton
In this short lecture, Dr. Carlton explains that dogma, or rational thinking about God, is an obstacle to prayer. Because of where I am on my own spiritual journey I find that I tend to defend the dogmas of Orthodoxy, particularly when confronted with the dogmas of other traditions like Roman Catholicism. It is easy to line up teachings side by side, compare and contrast them, and throw out the ones I don't like. What's harder is putting those dogmas aside and getting to the heart of the matter -- the person of Christ. How do you discuss Christ? I think you don't.
Podcast #2: The Mystery of God by Fr. John Oliver
This podcast approached a similar topic through a story about Vacation Bible School. Fr. John's observations of the difference between the children's experience of Church and his own is that the children are less bound by rigidity and give God room to be God. They're less dogmatic and more experiential. Same lesson: less dogma, more Christ; fewer human definitions, more still small voice. On the one hand I know that I tend to rest in dogmas when everything else seems uncertain, and on the other hand I blame the Roman Catholic church for putting too many definitions on God and not giving Him freedom to be Himself. Is that contradictory, or is my retreat into dogma a natural reaction to being confronted with it? Strangely, Chris seems to be mostly free of his church's dogmatic leanings, so I don't know where my reactions come from.
Blog post: Christ Crucified by Fr. Stephen Freeman
Here is where everything comes together: "To believe that Christ was crucified and risen from the dead and not to empty ourselves and take on the form of a servant is not to be a Christian at all." Again we see the dichotomy between believing and doing, so that point is firmly hammered home. But the question I have about my own life is here, in St Paul's letter to the Philippians: "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
It seems that all of these arguments could make a case for me agreeing to raise my children in the Roman Catholic church. The decision would involve sacrifice, a step away from dogma, and action in the interests of another. It would also clear a huge barricade between us and marriage. But I still have so many reservations about the Roman Catholic church that I'm not clear on how that decision would bring me (or my children) to Christ. I'm sure if I were mature in my faith I would be more able to step away from the Church and continue to find God where I am, but I don't think I can do it. I feel like I am single-handedly miring us in this holding pattern, and I'm not always sure I'm making the right decision by holding fast.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Discussion on Orthodox-Catholic Relations
If you have half an hour you might listen to this interview with Fr. Ted Pulcini at The Illumined Heart. Fr Ted is a former Roman Catholic priest, now an Orthodox priest in Pennsylvania. It is an interesting and balanced discussion on what the recent article released by the Vatican means for Catholic-Orthodox relations.
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